Award Chaos Pt. 2 & Giving Yourself the Grace of Failure
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Apologies for the dump of an update this newsletter will be as I've essentially been in a cave working on the 8th draft of my novel to get back to my agent. I'd finished writing the book within a month June 2023, but it took 2 years of brewing on its details before I actually got started on the writing, and it's been on and off editing for the past 8 or so months. Exhausted is the best word I think I have for what I am, but also, extremely, extremely relieved. There are still issues with it, but I think I'll edit myself and the book to death if I keep going, so I ended up telling my agent that we'll just have to go out with it as is until I do more on it, hopefully, after it sells. I wouldn't recommend attempting 100+ hours straight of working on edits, but it seems that's the only way my brain can function—all or nothing. I think one thing that's helped me regain confidence in my work (though I suppose also purposely lose it at the same time) is the realization that I need to give myself the grace of failure, because more often than not that's the only way we learn and grow. I had a chat recently with my mom about what my goals are as a writer, what I'd love to achieve, where do I see my career going, and I remember, once upon a time, I had the ambition of being a Nobel Prize in Literature winner, just as I had once had the dream of being an olympian—both of which seems ridiculously impossible now. What my mom and I discussed during this recent conversation though, ended up being what we found as similarities of award-winners, at least, likely a great many of them—which is the fact that it's unlikely they'd set out to win those very awards they're known for. And that it's likely that these individuals are simply just people who are extremely passionate and dedicated to their work and have been recognized for that very reason rather than the fact that they are trying to win the awards. Authenticity and the way a writer, artist, etc pours themselves into their work I think is ultimately what shines through. I feel as though I had been losing sight of why I wanted to be a writer the more into publishing I dove, where wealth and numbers began to matter because they decided on the next book deal, your ability to fund yourself until the next project, etc. But I have been trying to reclaim why I write and continue to write, and not losing the experimentalism and artistry I love so much about pushing the boundaries of fiction and its blend with reality, society, and humanity, even if it means that it makes something less "sellable". What truly am I trying to do and say? And if it doesn't matter to me, who will it matter to? That being said, I am glad the two books I have out in the world, which I felt in their entirety encapsulates what I want to do and say with my writing have been recognized by fellow peers and readers alike and have been nominated for a number of awards I would have never thought possible when I started writing. When I started writing, what I was trying to manifest is being able to spend all my time writing because I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life, and it's an extreme honour to feel as though I'm taking a step closer towards that goal everyday, and it's all thanks to those who have been reading my work, supporting me, and believing in me. So thank you, truly. My entire career thus far has been built on the kindness and generosity of others like those who are taking the time to read this now. Now I shall stop babbling and drop some updates below: I've had the amazing honour of landing on the shortlist of multiple award lists this year. Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Long Fiction — LINGHUN The British Science Fiction Association Awards for Best Shorter Fiction — I AM AI Nebula Awards for Best Novella and Novelette — LINGHUN and I AM AI Both LINGHUN and I AM AI have also been lucky enough to make it onto the Locus Recommended Reading list with their voting open to the public until April 15! Recent Releases: “Give Me English”—Reprint in FUSION FRAGMENT “Ship in a Bottle, Anchored”—WORLD OF IF The Polish translation of "Give Me English" is now out with Nowa Fantastyka! Rediscovery #3 — which includes an afterword by me for one of the stories included Also, the Spanish Edition of LINGHUN published by Dilatando Mentes Editorial is also now out! And I'm absolutely obsessed with the cover by artist José Antonio Ávila! Upcoming Events: Crow Collective Workshop — Short Form Chaos: Filling the Story Toolbox (March 30, 1PM ET) Space Cowboy Books Reading — Howard V. Hendrix, Ai Jiang, Hailey Piper (April 23rd, 9PM ET) Spirited Giving before StokerCon — May 29, 3PM PT An anthology that may be of interest! Howl's Society has once again returned with an anthology, this time focused on crime. For those who enjoy true crime podcasts, I'd recommend picking this one up! Below is my... quite heft blurb of the anthology in case you wanted to hear a bit more on what it's about. Their kickstarter is running now (and will be concluding soon), so if you wanted to throw in your support 👀 Blurb/short review: "HOWLS FROM THE SCENE OF THE CRIME is a thrilling and tense anthology that reads like your favourite true crime podcast blended with a wide range of speculative elements and subgenres such as small town western, sci-fi horror, body horror, the cosmic and inexplicable, the occult, among others. With morally grey situations and characters who often have good intentions attached to terrifying actions, these stories explore possession, lost traditions and cultures, revenge, grief and loss, cycles of violence, the grotesque and monstrous as a part of us rather than as separate, the dead and undead, and the way when the living fail the dead, the dead must rely on one another. What strikes me most is the way many of these stories criticize the systems of law and justice that fail us, the emergence of vigilantes due to this lack, and comments on incarceration—the wrongly convicted and the wrongly freed. And beneath the search for justice, there is the underlying darkness of how sometimes crime is glorified and how horrific that reality is—how villains become idolized and swarmed with admirers that can’t seem to understand their monstrosities, of crime becoming entertainment rather than danger.” |